We were given homework at church last Sunday. We’re looking at habits of the Christian faith these days, and last week’s theme was ‘solitude and retreat.’ “Now go and practise it,” our pastor instructed us.
Not only that, but at the end of each semester, I’m required by our college to reflect on the past six months and submit a 1000-word paper on the topic. It’s due at the end of next week.
On top of all that, it’s the first week of the month, which is when I usually aim to undertake a half-day retreat anyhow. That discipline keeps me centred in God. It helps prevent me from getting caught up in my own plans.
And it is spring.
And the sun is shining.
And the Dandenong Ranges Botanic Garden is only a 22-minute drive from home.
So I turn my phone onto airplane mode (because I want to use the phone’s camera but not be distracted with other notifications) and head up the hill.
Beginning to pray
What do you want me to take from today, Lord? Please direct my attention as you will. Help me to still my heart before you.
Ooooh – a butterfly!
I see the wind moving the leaves of tall trees even before the breeze caresses my face. I’m reminded of how your Holy Spirit is active, even though we don’t see it … see you … moving.
I hear birds twittering, singing, making sounds like bells or cracking whips or laughter. Bull frogs are grunting, their calls deep and rhythmic. People are chattering … mostly in Chinese, as it happens.
Oooooh – more butterflies!
I focus on my breathing. In-two-three-four. Hold-two-three-four. Out-two-three-four. Hold-two-three-four.
Now I address God with each breath in and out. As I inhale, in my mind I pray, “You are good.” As I exhale, I pray, “Father, Creator, Sustainer.”
No matter where I walk, my attention is drawn to butterflies.
They’re hard to photograph, though. Bees are easier because they focus on the job at hand and stay still.
Butterflies flit here and there, just like my mind. Butterfly brain – that’s my problem.
A request
Lord, I would like it if you would give me a Scripture for this retreat. I know that’s not responsible exegesis, taking something out of context and claiming it is for me, right here and now. But … well … is it okay to ask?
If you were to give me a Scripture, I think it would be Genesis 16:9. I wonder what that verse says.
The angel of the LORD said to her, “Return to your mistress and submit to her.”
Genesis16:9 ESV
It’s the story of Hagar, pregnant with Abraham’s son, fleeing Sarai’s harsh treatment.
Dare I equate my butterfly brain to Hagar, who was called to return to her mistress and get on with the job, difficult though it be? In my struggle to focus, there are times when I need to grit my teeth and get on with the task at hand.
No, I can’t take this verse that far out of context. But it is appropriate to remember that our God is, as Hagar called him, ‘El Roi,’ the God who sees.
He sees us as we flee; he sees us as we return; he sees us at our best and at our worst.
‘Elroy’ – what a fabulous name for a boy. Oops … there goes my mind again, flitting about like a butterfly.
FOCUS.
El Roi – the God who sees
Breathe in and hold. You are good. Breathe out and hold. Father, Creator, Sustainer. Breathe in and hold. You are the God who sees.
Oooh – more butterflies!
You see me. You see my imperfections. You see my deficiencies. You know to what degree my failure to focus well is sin, and to what degree it is genuine weakness.
Your word says that we are your handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which you prepared in advance for us to do. (That’s from Ephesians 2:10.)
Ooooh – now that’s a pretty butterfly.
A souvenir
Thank you, Lord, for this time with you. Help me now, as I return home and to my computer work, to be freshly aware of your call, your care and your enabling.
As I take the mandatory detour through the gift shop on the way out of the garden, my attention is drawn to a garden ornament of a butterfly.
Is it a nudge of God or is it just my own desire? Does it matter?
Regardless, the butterfly isn’t expensive. And it is pretty. And I have just the spot for it at home.
I get in the car and head back down the hill.
(P.S. In case you wonder, let me add that I also prayed for other people and situations, as well as wrote an outline for my college paper. I just didn’t include all that in this blog post.)