In a pickle … again

I’m in a pickle … again.

As I write, I have just realised that I’ve double booked myself later this week. I’ve had to reschedule an appointment.

I can’t find my computer glasses, so my head is arched back as I peer down at the screen through the bottom part of my multi-focals. (The computer glasses will turn up. They always do.)

What did I say I’d do for English class this week? Where did I write it down?

I’ve just paid for my language lessons, but it seems that I paid the wrong amount. Though to be fair, it was my teacher who rescheduled this time.

My mind is swirling with a gazillion details. How can I settle down to focus on academia?

Neurodiversity

Everyone seems to be talking about it these days. And for good reason. We want to care well for one another, including and especially those different to ourselves.

We had an excellent workshop on neurodivergence at church last weekend. The presenter stated that she has ADHD. As an illustration, she told us what was going on in her mind in that very moment, her speech at a gallop. 

While I was impressed with her clear diction at such a rapid pace, I couldn’t understand why she thought that her experience was different to anyone else’s. We were all in the same place at the same time, after all.

ADHD traits

I started to read more about ADHD. It’s actually not the first time I’ve noticed that supposed ADHD traits are ‘just normal’ … normal to me, anyhow. But I’m not hyperactive, so can’t have ADHD … right?

As I read more, I realised a description of ‘Inattentive ADHD’ describes me to a T. I’m not hyperactive, but I am inattentive. 

I struggle with organisation. I always have. 

Exerting willpower is a challenge. It always has been.

I’m easily overwhelmed with the magnitude of a task. 

Procrastination is something at which I excel.

My home is my castle … albeit a cluttered, catty castle.

At night, I like to do a sudoku puzzle. It helps me wind down. Putting numbers in the right boxes makes me feel like all is well with the world. Crazy, I know. 

Apparently, these are all ADHD traits … well, all except the catty castle.

Looking back

Although I believe that I generally manage life well, now that I look back, I can see evidence of ADHD traits from long ago. 

As a child, I struggled with handwriting and needed extra lessons and practice at home. I was always one of the last children picked for team sports at school because I was bound to drop the ball.  My maths teacher reported that I was clever but careless. I loved the library, though, and could lose myself in a book for hours. I still can. 

As a young teacher in China, a wise friend once gave me a framed picture of a mask. It is a traditional Chinese art form, she explained, but she gave it to me because I so often ‘mask’ how I’m feeling. It puzzled me because I thought that everyone puts on their best behaviour in public but relaxes with those in their inner circles. I hadn’t heard of ‘masking’ with respect to ADHD at that point. 

When I’m especially interested in a topic or have a deadline, I can focus well. Some time back, I pulled together an essay at the last minute. I was puzzled when my academic supervisor commented, “I don’t know how you did that.”

I tell anyone with whom I work that I do not do administration or finances. I consistently mess things up and frustrate everyone else and myself in the process.

The bane of my adult life, especially since my late 30s, has been IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). Apparently there is a correlation between IBS and ADHD. That’s not surprising considering that the gut is known as the body’s “second brain.” 

Strategies

Inspired by the thought of possibly having ADHD traits, I searched online for strategies to better manage my studies and lifestyle. To my surprise, I found that I already practise most of what was recommended. 

The five minute rule is helpful. When I feel overwhelmed by a task, I tell myself that I only have to do it for five minutes. Once I’m underway, I usually keep going. 

The Pomodoro technique involves setting a timer and working in short bursts, with breaks in-between.

I frequently make use of my phone’s ‘focus settings.’

Every day, I make a list of what I intend to achieve, and then tick things off as they get done. Sometimes I add things that I hadn’t planned to do but did anyhow just so that I can tick them off. (I’ll add finishing this blog post shortly.)

I break big tasks down. ‘Open a document and write an outline,’ was my first task for this blog post. I knew that once I got into it, I’d keep going.

I have learnt the trick of ‘productive procrastination.’ Chinese language quizzes on my phone are a current favourite procrastination activity.

Rather than have things out of sight, I prefer to keep them in baskets, each receptacle containing its own mess. That way, its contents are easily visible. 

Looking forward

I’m not going to pursue a possible ADHD diagnosis. The process is expensive and, given that I function quite well, there is no real advantage.

But considering that I may have ADHD traits helps. 

It gives me permission to be who I am. 

I’m disorganised, but perhaps I’m not lazy. 

My home is cluttered, but is that so terrible? 

I frequently wander off on tangents, whether it be in academia, a recipe or a conversation. But those tangents are interesting. It isn’t such a big problem.

The pleasure I experience from observing nature is probably a trait of ADHD too, and that’s something very positive indeed. I feel sorry for people who go through life without stopping in wonder, for example, at the emergence of a ladybug larva from an egg on a tree trunk by their front door. 

Looking out for one another

I hesitate to claim an ADHD ‘label’ because my struggles are nothing compared to those of people whose lives are significantly impacted by ADHD. My life is rich in relationships, in experiences, and my education has not been hampered despite my struggle to focus at times. Let’s just say that it seems I have some ADHD traits.

We’re all unique in our different ways. May we love and accept one another with our various quirks. That doesn’t give us permission to indulge our idiosyncrasies without checks. But may we support and strive to understand one another, whatever our personality traits.