“Free me from care for myself,” is a prayer that author Mulholland (see footnote 1) encourages readers to pray regularly. But is this right? Shouldn’t we care for ourselves? Aren’t we meant to steward carefully the resources God has given us of abilities, possessions, opportunities, time, health, energy and more?
This was my question today as I did some reading for college. I had a secluded table behind a cafe at the back of a plant nursery. Birds chirped. The sound of running water from a fountain in a fishpond muffled intrusive sounds of distant traffic and an air-conditioning unit. Although the air was muggy, a cool breeze provided welcome relief. Exhaust fans from the kitchen sent fried egg fragrances my way. Shades of green filled my vision – dark green ivy on the wall next to me, the grey-green of some sort of weeping fir beyond, and the fresh green of early summer leaves behind that.
This very outing was self-care, though combined with other errands along the way. Is that so wrong?
Care
The Lord answered in a most delightful way.
A sparrow fluttered over my Rocky Road slice, then alighted on the table. I watched it, photographed it, but did not allow it to share my treat. It hopped to the chair, down to the ground where it presumably looked for cake crumbs, then back to the table. Eventually I had to put a serviette tent over the Rocky Road slice.
“Free my from care for myself,” I prayed.
Words of Jesus sprang to mind. “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care…. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29,31 NIV)
Context
When Jesus spoke those words, he was actually talking about terrible things which would happen to his followers. In the midst of all that, he explained, we should remain confident, unafraid, for our Father cares for the sparrows and cares so much more for us.
I have a few cares … imminent deadlines, unknown factors which could impact my work, concerns for others … but nothing like the terrible things that Jesus described. The truth remains though … God cares for us.
When Mulholland recommended the prayer, “Free my from care for myself,” it was in the context of teaching on the spiritual discipline of silence. He describes this ancient discipline as a “… deep inner reversal of that grasping, controlling mode of being that so characterises life in our culture.” (See footnote 2.)
Confession
I contemplated Jesus’ words about the Father’s care for sparrows and us, combined with Mulholland’s words about letting go of our own ideas, ambitions and control. I realised afresh that I stand before God with nothing of value to offer him. He knows me better than I know myself. And still he cares for me. Today he reminded me of that through these cute little sparrows for which he cares. He cares for us far more.
I confessed my attempts to control my own life, including stressing about factors beyond my control. “Free me from care for myself,” I prayed. This is a prayer which I hope to repeat day after day for a season, at least. Mulholland writes, “If (this prayer is) used regularly … God will gradually awaken us to the multiple layers of controlling, grasping noise in our lives….”. (See footnote 3.)
Cake
Should we not care for ourselves, stewarding carefully the resources God has given us? In a sense, yes, of course, but in another sense, no. Lack of self-care in this context is not a licence to work crazy hours or to indulge in unwise lifestyle choices. Lack of self-care in this context means taking our hands off the controls of life. It means basking in God’s care for us, even and especially in times of chaos. It means gazing at God in our lives rather than at ourselves. It sometimes means silently submitting to God’s hand in our lives rather than submitting to him lists of what we want done and when.
Our Father cares for the sparrows.
Our Father considers us worth more than many sparrows.
And, sometimes, our Father even gives us cake.
1 M. Robert Mullholland Jr, ‘Invitation to a Journey: A Road Map for Spiritual Formation (Transforming Resources)’, 2016 Kindle version p.158
2 Mulholland, ‘Invitation to a Journey’ p.157
3 Mulholland, ‘Invitation to a Journey’, p.158
2 replies on “Sparrows”
How beautiful. Thank you!
There is so much self help advice out there to keep ourselves healthy and we’ll and functioning well… It’s just totally overwhelming I panic and do none of it! That pic and words of the sparrow…just right! Thank you…. Again.