Inner critic – friend or foe?

A wise man said, “If something happens three times, it’s probably not a coincidence. Look for God’s hand.” 

‘Gazumpa’ … or the concept this character represents … has come to my attention three times over the last few weeks. I think an awareness of this odd creature and appropriate management is where I need to focus just now. That’s the lesson I’m up to in the divine personalised curriculum laid out for me. 

Who or what is Gazumpa, you may ask? 

Introducing Gazumpa

‘Gazumpa’ is what I have named my inner critic. Yes, an ‘inner critic’ is  a psychological concept rather than a person. That’s why I’m not referring to Gazumpa’ as ‘him’ or ‘her’. It makes it a bit tricky to write about this pesky entity though. I think of Gazump as a person … someone with a persistent, nagging, whiny voice. Gazumpa is that voice in my head. 

No, I’m not going mad. I don’t think so, anyhow. 

This genderless creature is small, with pointy features. It wears a drab shirt buttoned tightly around the neck and at the wrists, dark neat trousers and polished shoes without a hint of scuffing. Its hair is pulled back in a tight bun without a flyaway strand to be seen. Gazumpa walks and talks with a pompous, self-righteous, arrogant air. Its favourite phrases are, “What DO you think you’re doing?” “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well,” and “If you can’t do it perfectly, don’t bother doing it at all.” 

The verb ‘to gazump’ is used in real estate transactions. If one person makes an offer on a property, which is verbally accepted, and then, at the very last moment, someone else makes a slightly higher offer and gets the property, we say that second person has ‘gazumped’ the first. It’s not illegal but it’s not morally or ethically right either. 

That’s why my inner critic is named ‘Gazumpa’. 

Unconscious Persuasion

The phrase ‘unconscious persuasion’ caught my attention on an advertisement for an SBS program recently.  “[Dr Xand] investigates if unconscious persuasion could be the future of dieting,” I read.

I doubt you want to look it up, but I can’t quote even a TV programme on a public blog without proper referencing, so Gazumpa reminds me. I read it here: https://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/program/how-to-lose-weight-well accessed 17 June 2020, though watched the programme a month ago. Thank you, Gazumpa.

Actually, it turns out that ‘unconscious persuasion’ isn’t about dieting at all. Some people who practise this talk about ‘the dirty d-word’, which is, of course, ‘dieting’.

‘Unconscious persuasion’ is about changing the way we think, and in this case, specifically about food and exercise. Advertisers mess with our thoughts all the time through repetitive slogans, images and sound clips. They’re not as concerned about our health, however, as they are concerned about profit. Am I being cynical?

I signed up for a twelve week programme called ’Thinking Slimmer’ and have been enjoying it. Every day, I watch a short video and listen to a repeated pep talk. One of the videos was about identifying and distancing ourselves from our inner critics. We were encouraged to give that inner critic a silly name. 

Hence Gazumpa.  

Writer’s Block

My productive procrastination these past months has been impressive, if I say so myself. I have a particularly important writing project to work on. Why can’t I get into it? I have an outline, I have plenty to say, and I have sat at the computer for hours, writing and re-writing one section,  perfecting footnotes as I go. 

And then, this week, in yet another feat of procrastination, I took an online test to determine the problem … or to put off doing the writing a little longer … or both. I also read the book that goes with the test. The results were astounding.  

(The test can be found here: https://newforums.com/resources/ebooks/blocking-questionnaire-tool-scholarly-writers/  … Gazumpa prompted me to give proper credit.)

First, I learnt that I could legitimately claim to have had writer’s block. (I think it’s gone now!) 

Second, I learnt that my inner critic, or, more to the point, my inappropriate attention to that inner critic, was largely to blame. Yes, that is Gazumpa. 

Gazumpa is not my enemy. Its critical nature will be quite useful when I get to the editing and polishing stage, and when fiddling with the footnoting. But right now, Gazumpa needs to be sent out for a l-o-n-g walk whenever I sit down to work on this project. 

Subconscious Processes

‘Subconscious Processes’ was the name of lesson I attended yesterday in a zoom training session. We were shown a lovely diagram of a mind with the conscious thinking and sensory entry points above a deep and mysterious subconscious. The subconscious is where Gazumpa resides. 

The training was rich and practical. I will spare you the details, but suffice to say that our ‘inner critics’ featured in terms of unhealthy self-talk. The relevance to this blog post was one of the practical applications that we were given at the end of the session. 

“When the Holy Spirit brings things to mind, deal with them,” I wrote in my notebook. 

Given that this was the third time in a short time that I was hearing about internal critics, I figured that the Holy Spirit was bringing this to mind. This blog post is my way of dealing with it … or it’s a move in the right direction, anyhow. 

The Voice of the Spirit

Not only do I have Gazumpa whispering half truths in my mind, but I also have the Spirit of God nudging me towards holiness. The two are nothing alike. 

‘You’ve got to be perfect,’ preaches Gazumpa. ‘If you can’t do it perfectly, don’t bother doing it at all.’

The Holy Spirit reminds me of the value of weakness. 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 

2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV

But … ‘Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect,’ murmurs Gazumpa, taking Scripture (Matthew 5:48 NIV) out of context just as The Enemy did way back in Eden. 

The Spirit reminds me that when Jesus spoke those words about being perfect, it was in the context of him explaining that we cannot achieve the perfection standard of the Jewish Law. Indeed, Jesus had come to fulfil the Law.

Interestingly, as I edit this blog post the day after writing it, these EXACT words – ‘Be perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect’ – were the focus of the devotional I listen to each morning. (The devotional can be found here: https://pray-as-you-go.org/player/prayer/2020-06-16 )

Yes, the Spirit is transforming me through the renewing of my mind, as per Romans 12:2.

Instead of bashing myself up for failing to be perfect, I think of the apostle Paul’s encouraging words to the less-than-perfect saints in Rome.

… so that the Gentiles [people like me] might become an offering acceptable to God, sanctified by the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:16b NIV

I’m being sanctified. I’m a work in progress. 

Inner critic – friend or foe?

This week, I have sat at the computer every day with the intention of putting in 25 minutes of non-perfect work on my academic writing project. To my astonishment, after struggling for weeks, I am now easily putting in 90 minutes a day. And enjoying it.. That’s what happens when I send Gazumpa out for a walk. 

When Gazumpa whispers those half-truths about perfection or anything else, with God’s help, I shall recognise them and refute them. 

But when it comes time to edit my document and make those pesky little footnotes perfect, Gazumpa will have a role. 

My inner critic is not all bad. Gazumpa is neither friend nor foe. My inner critic just needs to be kept in its place and stick to the truth. 

THAT is the challenge.