Month: February 2018

I started my half day retreat with my journal and a chai latte. A spindly tree, devoid of leaves and white as bleached bones caught my eye.

Then I headed into the bush where I meandered and meditated.

Forest

It’s one thing when a great old tree comes to the end of its days, with scores or even hundreds of rings exposed once the fallen giant is cut. But it’s sad when a young tree dies.

I wandered amongst the gorgeous tall gums, many with ribbons of red bark hanging off silver trunks. I listened to squawking cockatoos, cackling kookaburras and the ‘toot toot’ of Puffing Billy, the distant steam train. A gentle breeze in the canopy above me rustled the leaves, though down below the air was still. And then, around a bend, I would be confronted with another dead tree.

 

Why do trees die before their time? Perhaps there are environmental problems, such as strong winds and wet soil combined with root systems that are too small to keep a tree upright during a storm. Perhaps the tree is diseased, infected by insect, fungus or some other pathogen. Perhaps it has been strangled by vines.

Does nobody love these trees? Why has nothing been done to protect them?

Discipline

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”

(Proverbs 3:11-12, quoted also in Hebrews 12:5-6)

As I meandered through the forest, stopping to admire tiny birds which flitted across the path and butterflies which danced in a beam of late afternoon sunlight, I also kept my eyes peeled for lyre birds and kangaroos which I’ve seen here before. And I quietly whistled the tune of the prayer-song, “Search me, O God….”

Towards the end of my retreat afternoon, I sat with a takeaway bowl of Pad Thai by a path running behind homes. The sun, now low in the sky, highlighted scars on a tree. The tree had clearly had some branches removed. It had obviously had vines wrapped around its trunk at some point. But all that was history. The tree is now flourishing. Somebody has cared for it. Somebody loves it.

Loved

At home this past week, I arranged to have a diseased branch cut off a gorgeous Japanese maple which graces my front window each year with its autumnal display. I was loath to have the branch removed, but it was diseased. I was concerned that the rest of the tree would die if I didn’t act quickly. I love that tree.

How much more, then, does God loves us? He loves us too much to let us grow too tall for our root systems to support, to let vines wrap around us and eventually strangle us or to allow the fungus or insect infestation of unconfessed sin to destroy us. Pruning hurts, but it is for our good.

Suffering isn’t all about discipline. Reasons for suffering are usually complex and can rarely be summed up with a simple ‘cause and effect’ statement. Nevertheless, the message of Hebrews 12:4-12 is to accept hardship as divine discipline and to take courage in the midst of it. That’s easy to say when you’re enjoying a glorious afternoon in a gorgeous forest.

 

As I write, I am grinning after an uneventful physical check-up last week, follow-up from some serious physical ‘pruning’ a couple of years back. Today, God reminded me afresh of the importance of remaining spiritually healthy too, and that means having regular spiritual examinations to nip any problems in the bud.

Speaking of buds, what I’d really like to be in God’s great garden is a rose bush. A fragrant, gorgeous, flourishing rose bush.

But what am I saying? Roses do best with annual pruning!

This blog post is NOT an appeal for funds. That won’t appear on this website. This is simply the meandering thoughts of a Christian worker about support-raising.

 

“I’m a beggar. A charity case. A drain on the resources of God’s people.” That’s what some of us think but never say when it comes to asking for financial support.

I know the theory. It’s partnership development – not charity work.  Support raising involves giving others the privilege of giving. ‘Friend-raising’ rather than ‘fund-raising’ is the focus. I can wax eloquent about giving generally so that kingdom workers can focus on kingdom work. But my pride takes a whack when it comes to asking for financial support for my own work.

 

Gratitude

I’ve been living on the kindness of God’s people for about 23 of the last 25 years now. I am very grateful to those individuals and churches who support me. Back in 1995, many people rose to the challenge of giving $1 a day … $365 a year … amounting to $8395 up to this point in time, and it will be over $10,000 in a few more years … incredible. I could explain how that money has been used, showing that it was a good investment in kingdom-building, but that is a topic for another time. Suffice to say I’m very grateful.

Many of those who started out giving regularly to my work in 1995 were early retirees. Now, one by one, those kind souls are moving on to heaven. On top of that, inflation means that what $100 could buy in Australia in 1995 now costs $171.34. And finally, my costs have increased, as I have moved from Asia back to Australia.  All these factors make for a perfectly reasonable argument for raising more support. But I am still reticent to ask for more money.

 

A sense of shame

I want to be the great provider, a source of strength and support for those I serve. I want to have all the answers. But the kingdom of God has ‘upside-down values’. The weak become strong in God’s kingdom, the least important are honoured as the most important and we enter God’s kingdom like a child. I suppose I should be grateful for the frequent lessons in humility that come with having to raise support.

Is what I do worth the investment? There are others who have a far more effective role in building up God’s kingdom. Supporting national workers is an excellent use of resources and one in which I actively invest myself. Aid and development work puts kingdom principles into action, resulting in the transformation of lives and even communities.

My contribution to building up God’s kingdom is often a step back from these front line roles. Last week’s blog touched on God’s gentle affirmation of the part I play, though I long for more hands-on action and do what I can to experience it. I am somewhat ashamed to ask people to support my work when there are so many other projects that their money could go to.

Yet the fact remains that I can’t be devoted to the work I do without an income. It’s not that I can’t earn money, but that I’m unwilling to spend the time to do so. I could go back to teaching and/or secular translation work. That has value, but isn’t what I feel God would have me focus during this current chapter of life.

 

Tentmaking vs relying on the kindness of others

Paul was a tentmaker, and so we refer to those who do ministry through or in addition to their paid work as ‘tentmakers’. This is a valuable model for many types of ministry. Non-local Christians are only able to live in some communities by working in a secular role. Some Christian workers come from communities which are unable to support them financially, and so are forced to be bi-vocational. I admire these people.

Paul was a tentmaker, but only some of the time. His costs were also supplemented by gifts from God’s people, and at times that was all he lived on. It was as part of a ‘thank you letter’ for such support that we get such oft-quoted verses as “I have learned to be content in all circumstances” (Philippians 4:12), “I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13) and “My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

There are other Biblical characters, too, who lived on the kindness of God’s people. Jesus himself did, as did his disciples both during Jesus’ time on earth and, at least for some of them, later. Many of the prophets and all the priests were supported by the community, though their focus was usually on God’s people rather than beyond their own community. The same is true for church workers under Pastor Timothy (see 1 Timothy 5:17-18) who were encouraged to draw a salary from the early church.

Tentmaking is an important concept in Christian work. But living on the support of others has Biblical precedents too.

God’s economy

Over and over, I am reminded that God’s concept of ‘economy’ isn’t the same as ours. From our limited perspective, we look for value for money, and for returns for investments. From God’s perspective, what is money? As the children’s song goes, “He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, the wealth in every mine; He owns the rivers and the rocks and rills, the stars and sun that shine….” (The song, written by John Peterson, is based on Psalm 50.)

And so the time has come to swallow my pride and ask for more money so that I can focus fully on the tasks I believe God has given me at this point in time. I have some ideas – challenging people to consider giving a regular gym-membership-equivalent contribution, for example. I am intrigued by the way the Biblical character David ‘raised support’ for himself and his band of followers before he became king of Israel and after he had abruptly finished his time of employment by King Saul. Sometimes, supplies were freely given, while at other times they were gained by means akin to banditry. 1 Samuel 25 would make an interesting text for teaching about support-raising. In that story, David gained both provisions and a wife!

 

As I approach this humbling task of asking for more support, I am reassured by a line of poetry from King David. It is as relevant for us today as it was for him 3000 years ago, because we serve an unchanging eternal God.

I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.” (Psalm 16:2)

Through writing down these meandering thoughts, I am encouraged … given courage … to put together my own updated support card, write up a page of facts and figures, and send them out to current and potential supporters. God provides, and very often that provision comes through the people of God. I still don’t like asking for money, but I will. Stay tuned……

Does God speak within the myriad of details of the lives of countless people, both today and across the ages? Is it self-centred to think that the Almighty would have anything particular for me, an ordinary Australian Christian woman, right here and now?

When I’m sitting in the quiet of my own little backyard, I feel ‘special’ to God. But when I travel the world, I realize afresh just how little I am. My story is one of billions, and the stories of today are only a flicker amongst the stories of people across all time.

 

Spacious places

Air travel is incredible. Imagine squeezing 400+ people into a narrow metal tube and propelling it halfway across the world. Just after midnight on Monday morning, I boarded a flight bound for Malaysia, after which I would go on to Thailand.

It was a good flight. Even so, stretching my legs in the spacious airport at Kuala Lumpur was lovely. I had six hours in transit and so, being a good Christian woman, sat down to read God’s word and pray. Over coffee, of course.

The fragrant drink was just what I needed to help me focus. To my right, a westerner sat in a lotus position, hands resting on her knees, palms up, index finger and thumb joined and eyes closed. The table in front of me was occupied by a Muslim couple, the woman covered from head to toe except for her round face and hands, which showed. They were enjoying toasted sandwiches. I offered a prayer as I got underway.

“Thank you, Lord, that you are here.” I opened the Bible app on my iPad. A particular prayer jumped out of the screen at me, or so it seemed.  ‘You brought me out into spacious places.’ (This is in both Psalm 31:8 and 2 Samuel 22:20 – I read it in Psalm 31 then used the cross-reference feature of the app to read the prayer in 2 Samuel too.) Did this ‘spacious places’ prayer feel significant because I had just spent a night in a cramped airplane, or was there more to it? Could it be a particular message for me right here right now?

Being a well-educated Christian woman, I know that ‘a text without a context is a pretext’. (I wish I could credit that quote but have forgotten where I heard it.)  In both cases, the ‘spacious places’ phrase came in the context of King David having been rescued from difficult times by an all-powerful God.

This trip is special to me in that I have just formally returned to being part of a particular community of cross-cultural workers focused on one part of Asia. I’m on my way to join colleagues for our annual gathering. Could God be saying to this little Australian woman seated in a coffee shop in Asia, preparing for a fresh chapter of service, “I have brought you out into spacious places”? Oh, I hope so. I dare not take that verse out of context, but if God were to communicate that message in other ways, that would be just fine.

 

An unusual and unwanted discipline

Rewind 2 ½ years. I was sitting in a doctor’s waiting room – one of many times of waiting during a difficult period of life in which I underwent cancer treatment. Another passage jumped off the page at me that day, not from the Bible, but from a book written by a man of God. I took it as God’s gentle touch.

One of the disciplines to which the Lord calls us is the willingness, from time to time, not to be used in significant ministry…. Imagine, now, a devoted and gifted Christian woman, whose ministry has been precious to her, finding that for quite a long period the Lord sidelines her so that her potential is not being used. … It is … a lesson in Christ’s school of holiness. The Lord is reminding her that her life does not depend on her finding that people need her. The prime source of her joy must always be the knowledge of God’s love for her…. Regarding her ministry, what matters is that she should be available to Him. Then He will decide when and how to put her to service again and she should leave that with Him.

J.I. Packer, Rediscovering Holiness, pp.199-200 Servant Publications, 1994

I feel as if I have been ‘treading water’ in terms of ministry these past couple of years. Yes, I’ve been involved in interesting and useful things, and I hope that I have been a good steward of the resources invested in me. But I have also consciously worked at not being busy. Becoming healthy again after a fairly significant ‘whack’ from surgery, radiation and chemotherapy as well as a couple of nasty infections has been my primary focus.

I was reminded of ‘the discipline not to be used in significant ministry for a time’ in the Kuala Lumpur airport because of another blog post (in the Velvet Ashes community) which I read while there. I hunted about for the J.I. Packer quote to share with women in that online community. Even as I did so, I wondered about the relationship between it and my ‘spacious places’ reading. Could it possibly be that the time has come for God to put me back into significant service again? If that is so, I am determined to remember that my identity must be in being part of his kingdom and not in my work.

 

‘A word’

The day after receiving the ‘spacious places’ insight in the Kuala Lumpur airport, I was walking in a magnificent tropical garden with a good friend. We were somewhat lost when we met the random American. We weren’t worried, but we were ready for some refreshments.

We stood at a lakeside coffee bar, looking at the menu board. The young man was sitting on a bench, sipping coconut milk from a whole coconut with the top cut off. In front of him was an open Bible and a notebook.  “Excuse me,” he said, “but can I just say that God’s Spirit is on you?”

It turns out that he was staying at the same hotel and had seen us at breakfast. I hadn’t noticed him, but my friend had. He had been looking at us quite intently, she later told me. The young man had sensed that God had a message for him to give us, but he wasn’t confident enough to approach us at the time. And here we were again, just two hours later. He took this ‘coincidence’ as a divine nudge.

“You are a well where others can go to be replenished. You are also a mobilizer for prayer. You build up God’s people. Does that make sense?”  I was both reassured and slightly dismayed. I want to do ‘frontline work’ during this chapter of life. In my 20+ years of cross-cultural work, time and time again, after serious prayer, I end up supporting other believers. Those roles have included member care, language learning support, mobilization, training, hosting short-term workers, discipleship and more. Mind you, getting people to pray for God’s kingdom to come to places where it is currently unknown is something I am convinced is God’s particular commission for me right now. That line was encouraging. And I’ve recently agreed to serve my team in a couple of other behind-the-scene roles. Perhaps this IS God’s role for me right now, rather than just an added extra.

The random American went on to share a message for my friend that was very much in line with other things she has been hearing recently. Then he spoke about our friendship – a special friendship that is divinely ordained (another story) – and he was spot on. Do his words have the same authority as Scripture? Of course not. But it does seem like he has been given ‘words of knowledge’ for us. How special.

Within a day of receiving these words, I received three affirmations from women I have somehow influenced by words or example. I’m honoured and humbled at the same time. Who am I, an ordinary middle-aged Australian woman, to be used by Holy God to build up his people?

Could it be that the timing of these kind words is God’s way of confirming this word passed on by a random young man? ‘You are a well where others can go to be replenished,” he had said. “You build up God’s people.”

 

What next?

I ardently hope that the season of life in which I was metaphorically squished into a cramped corner is over. I’m thinking of the past couple of years as I recovered from treatment and focused on getting healthy again. I would be delighted to move now into a season of ‘spacious places’.

If the random American is right, God wants to use me to build up his people and to mobilize prayer. A little bit of front line action would be nice, and I’m already enjoying a taste of that. At the same time, as J.I. Packer pointed out, how and when God chooses to use me is his call.

I have more than a sneaking suspicion that a new season is ahead – a season of spacious places.

Watch this space.

 

 

It’s Monday morning. It’s lovely to sit on my back porch after a couple of weeks away. (As for why and where I went, it is a long and irrelevant story – all is well, and I loved having friends staying here.) I came back to my little unit last night. I haven’t yet unpacked, but am determined to stick to my 2018 resolution of ‘Writing is my priority’. Mondays, in particular, are for writing, according to my guidelines for the year. And so, I picked up my bright yellow ‘first draft’ notebook, ready to draft this week’s blog post.

 

A cuppa sounded like a good way to get the creative juices flowing. I went to the kitchen, put the kettle on, then back out to the porch again to write in the comparative cool of the morning. That’s when I realized that I didn’t have my writing notebook with me. How could I have lost it? I pulled out everything that I’d taken away with me, making more of a mess than I had already created last night when I dumped tubs of stuff in my home office. I was so sure I had held that notebook in my hands just minutes earlier. Was I going mad?

 

I could use other paper, I knew, though I do like my writing notebook. I reluctantly grabbed a boring old notepad and once again sat down to write. But a cuppa would be a nice way to get started. I went to put the kettle on, only to find that the water was already piping hot. And there, sitting on the kitchen counter, was my writing notebook! Oh dear – what a start to the day.

I made a cup of Indian chai (though it wasn’t authentic – I used a tea bag), and toasted half a gluten-free hot cross bun, topping it with cheese. I would have appreciated the flavours more had I not been feeling so hassled. At last, I sat down to write my first draft of this blog post.

The first draft

 

I have just finished a helpful book that relates to today’s experience. ‘Rising Strong,’ by researcher-storyteller Dr Brené Brown, is a secular book. It was recommended for people who struggle with perfectionism – that came from a short writing course I took recently. It was a good recommendation. Dr Brené teaches about wholeheartedness – something to which I aspire. She uses the phrase ‘Let’s rumble’ to describe the way we explore and recognize a story we’re telling ourselves – usually one that we are hardly aware of while in the midst of it. I wrote a ‘first draft’ about today’s 糊里糊涂 incident. (糊里糊涂 – hulihutu – is a Chinese phrase meaning ‘muddle-headed’.  糊里糊涂 looks so much more scatter-brained and the pronunciation – hulihutu – sounds so much more confused than the English equivalent, don’t you think?!) This is what I wrote.

 

“You idiot. Can’t you even keep track of a simple notebook? You’re hopeless. You shouldn’t even try to be a writer … or a cross-cultural worker … or a graduate student. You clearly don’t have the ability to juggle even a notebook and a cup of tea. And as for that hot cross bun with cheese – whatever were you thinking, you great drongo? Or rather, clearly, you were NOT thinking. Carbohydrates for a SNACK?! You bought that bun for a special treat AFTER a workout, not just any old time. You’re hopeless – why pay for accountability and support for diet and exercise when you sabotage it all with bread? And a hot cross bun in January – what sort of Christian are you? Easter commemorates something sacred and you’re eating hot cross buns without even thinking about their meaning?!”

 

My first draft sounds extreme. It shocked me when I wrote it down as a part of drafting this blog post. I would NEVER speak like that to someone I love … or even to someone I barely know. Dr Brené suggests in her book that we write up the ‘first drafts’ of our stories so that we can see what we’re thinking. It was a shock to me when I did so this morning. But a helpful shock.

 

‘Take every thought captive’

 

A couple of weeks ago, I blogged about ‘lies we believe’. As you can see, I continue to wrestle with this issue – the lies have left entrenched ruts in my mind which will take time to fill in. Writing the first draft of the story above helped me to identify my thoughts. I am reminded of the Bible verse: ‘… we take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ’ (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV). This verse comes in the context of an admonition to live by God’s standards. Paul, the writer, goes on to integrate the topic of spiritual warfare and the importance of our obedience to God, capturing our thoughts and making them obedient to Christ in the process. I appreciate the fresh way Eugene Peterson explains it. He writes, “We use our powerful God-tools for … fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5 MSG).

 

It’s easy to write about ‘taking every thought captive’, but challenging to do it moment-by-moment. Thankfully, we are not expected to be perfect right away, though we are in the process of being transformed. My transformation process includes the ‘coincidence’ of the ‘Ready to Rumble’ headline in the paper just days after finishing a book in which the phrase ‘Let’s rumble’ was an important concept, and sensing that inner prod to blog on the topic.

 

Prayer is a powerful way of ‘rumbling’ before a perfect and empowering God. Writing out at least part of my prayers is primarily for my own benefit. God already know me better than I know myself. When I come to him in prayer about particular situations, he often helps me to realign my thoughts with reality. Prayer helps a lot when it comes to reworking my story.

 

The reworked story

 

I’m not making excuses here. I know I have a tendency to be scatter-brained. But if I were talking to somebody else who was in my shoes, this is what I would say:

 

“You’re tired. It’s been a busy couple of weeks. The weather has been nasty these last few days – so hot and humid – and that means you don’t sleep well. You don’t roll with the punches like you did when you were a university student thirty years ago, the first time round. Your hulihutu (muddle-headed) behaviour comes out of being tired, not out of being bad. It would be nice if you could have the day off, but you have a lot to get done this week, so that’s not going to happen. You do, however, need to show yourself a little grace.  Just stop what you’re doing and take some time to restore order to the air-conditioned living room and the kitchen. You can tackle the bedroom and office tomorrow when the weather is cooler. You know that an ordered environment helps you focus. As for that half a hot cross bun, just move on. Yes, it was a poor choice for an early morning tea, but it’s not the end of the world. Just choose more nutritious foods for the rest of the day. Of course you can still enjoy the other half of that festive bun – at an appropriate time. You don’t need to wait until Easter – it’s just bread – there is nothing holy about it. And make sure you savour it next time.”

 

It’s easier to say that to somebody else than to myself. It’s crazy, but there you have it. This is all part of the rumble – recognizing the story and reworking it to reflect reality.

 

Ready to rumble

 

That was my little rumble this morning. If I had time and space to write up some of my other first drafts of stories from various times in life, I would include lines such as “Calling a friend would be seen by them as an unpleasant interruption to their day,” “That colleague doesn’t like me or my work,” “She is just a jerk,” “Those people have no sense of decency,” and “People who misuse apostrophes don’t deserve my respect.” It’s shocking, I know, when you see your unspoken thoughts in black and white.

 

Life is complex. People are complicated. As Christians, we want to live well. We want to reflect our Lord in our interactions with those around us. We want to be mature in Christ.

 

The apostle Paul wrote about his desire to “present everyone fully mature in Christ” (Colossians 1:28b NIV). He was working to build up others in Jesus, but of course, there is work to be done in ourselves too. The effort needed to bring about maturity comes both from within ourselves and also from our Lord whose Spirit lives in us. Paul wrote, “To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me” (Colossians 1:29NIV).

 

In the words of Paul, I want to be ‘mature in Christ’. In the words of Dr Brené Brown, I want to be ‘wholehearted’ in how I live. They’re both describing the same thing in different ways when it comes to my own story.

 

And so … let’s rumble.