Categories
Uncategorized

Let’s Rumble

It’s Monday morning. It’s lovely to sit on my back porch after a couple of weeks away. (As for why and where I went, it is a long and irrelevant story – all is well, and I loved having friends staying here.) I came back to my little unit last night. I haven’t yet unpacked, but am determined to stick to my 2018 resolution of ‘Writing is my priority’. Mondays, in particular, are for writing, according to my guidelines for the year. And so, I picked up my bright yellow ‘first draft’ notebook, ready to draft this week’s blog post.

 

A cuppa sounded like a good way to get the creative juices flowing. I went to the kitchen, put the kettle on, then back out to the porch again to write in the comparative cool of the morning. That’s when I realized that I didn’t have my writing notebook with me. How could I have lost it? I pulled out everything that I’d taken away with me, making more of a mess than I had already created last night when I dumped tubs of stuff in my home office. I was so sure I had held that notebook in my hands just minutes earlier. Was I going mad?

 

I could use other paper, I knew, though I do like my writing notebook. I reluctantly grabbed a boring old notepad and once again sat down to write. But a cuppa would be a nice way to get started. I went to put the kettle on, only to find that the water was already piping hot. And there, sitting on the kitchen counter, was my writing notebook! Oh dear – what a start to the day.

I made a cup of Indian chai (though it wasn’t authentic – I used a tea bag), and toasted half a gluten-free hot cross bun, topping it with cheese. I would have appreciated the flavours more had I not been feeling so hassled. At last, I sat down to write my first draft of this blog post.

The first draft

 

I have just finished a helpful book that relates to today’s experience. ‘Rising Strong,’ by researcher-storyteller Dr Brené Brown, is a secular book. It was recommended for people who struggle with perfectionism – that came from a short writing course I took recently. It was a good recommendation. Dr Brené teaches about wholeheartedness – something to which I aspire. She uses the phrase ‘Let’s rumble’ to describe the way we explore and recognize a story we’re telling ourselves – usually one that we are hardly aware of while in the midst of it. I wrote a ‘first draft’ about today’s 糊里糊涂 incident. (糊里糊涂 – hulihutu – is a Chinese phrase meaning ‘muddle-headed’.  糊里糊涂 looks so much more scatter-brained and the pronunciation – hulihutu – sounds so much more confused than the English equivalent, don’t you think?!) This is what I wrote.

 

“You idiot. Can’t you even keep track of a simple notebook? You’re hopeless. You shouldn’t even try to be a writer … or a cross-cultural worker … or a graduate student. You clearly don’t have the ability to juggle even a notebook and a cup of tea. And as for that hot cross bun with cheese – whatever were you thinking, you great drongo? Or rather, clearly, you were NOT thinking. Carbohydrates for a SNACK?! You bought that bun for a special treat AFTER a workout, not just any old time. You’re hopeless – why pay for accountability and support for diet and exercise when you sabotage it all with bread? And a hot cross bun in January – what sort of Christian are you? Easter commemorates something sacred and you’re eating hot cross buns without even thinking about their meaning?!”

 

My first draft sounds extreme. It shocked me when I wrote it down as a part of drafting this blog post. I would NEVER speak like that to someone I love … or even to someone I barely know. Dr Brené suggests in her book that we write up the ‘first drafts’ of our stories so that we can see what we’re thinking. It was a shock to me when I did so this morning. But a helpful shock.

 

‘Take every thought captive’

 

A couple of weeks ago, I blogged about ‘lies we believe’. As you can see, I continue to wrestle with this issue – the lies have left entrenched ruts in my mind which will take time to fill in. Writing the first draft of the story above helped me to identify my thoughts. I am reminded of the Bible verse: ‘… we take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ’ (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV). This verse comes in the context of an admonition to live by God’s standards. Paul, the writer, goes on to integrate the topic of spiritual warfare and the importance of our obedience to God, capturing our thoughts and making them obedient to Christ in the process. I appreciate the fresh way Eugene Peterson explains it. He writes, “We use our powerful God-tools for … fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5 MSG).

 

This headline from the Herald Sun on 28th January 2018 grabbed my attention.

It’s easy to write about ‘taking every thought captive’, but challenging to do it moment-by-moment. Thankfully, we are not expected to be perfect right away, though we are in the process of being transformed. My transformation process includes the ‘coincidence’ of the ‘Ready to Rumble’ headline in the paper just days after finishing a book in which the phrase ‘Let’s rumble’ was an important concept, and sensing that inner prod to blog on the topic.

 

Prayer is a powerful way of ‘rumbling’ before a perfect and empowering God. Writing out at least part of my prayers is primarily for my own benefit. God already know me better than I know myself. When I come to him in prayer about particular situations, he often helps me to realign my thoughts with reality. Prayer helps a lot when it comes to reworking my story.

 

The reworked story

 

I’m not making excuses here. I know I have a tendency to be scatter-brained. But if I were talking to somebody else who was in my shoes, this is what I would say:

 

“You’re tired. It’s been a busy couple of weeks. The weather has been nasty these last few days – so hot and humid – and that means you don’t sleep well. You don’t roll with the punches like you did when you were a university student thirty years ago, the first time round. Your hulihutu (muddle-headed) behaviour comes out of being tired, not out of being bad. It would be nice if you could have the day off, but you have a lot to get done this week, so that’s not going to happen. You do, however, need to show yourself a little grace.  Just stop what you’re doing and take some time to restore order to the air-conditioned living room and the kitchen. You can tackle the bedroom and office tomorrow when the weather is cooler. You know that an ordered environment helps you focus. As for that half a hot cross bun, just move on. Yes, it was a poor choice for an early morning tea, but it’s not the end of the world. Just choose more nutritious foods for the rest of the day. Of course you can still enjoy the other half of that festive bun – at an appropriate time. You don’t need to wait until Easter – it’s just bread – there is nothing holy about it. And make sure you savour it next time.”

 

It’s easier to say that to somebody else than to myself. It’s crazy, but there you have it. This is all part of the rumble – recognizing the story and reworking it to reflect reality.

 

Ready to rumble

 

That was my little rumble this morning. If I had time and space to write up some of my other first drafts of stories from various times in life, I would include lines such as “Calling a friend would be seen by them as an unpleasant interruption to their day,” “That colleague doesn’t like me or my work,” “She is just a jerk,” “Those people have no sense of decency,” and “People who misuse apostrophes don’t deserve my respect.” It’s shocking, I know, when you see your unspoken thoughts in black and white.

 

Life is complex. People are complicated. As Christians, we want to live well. We want to reflect our Lord in our interactions with those around us. We want to be mature in Christ.

 

The apostle Paul wrote about his desire to “present everyone fully mature in Christ” (Colossians 1:28b NIV). He was working to build up others in Jesus, but of course, there is work to be done in ourselves too. The effort needed to bring about maturity comes both from within ourselves and also from our Lord whose Spirit lives in us. Paul wrote, “To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me” (Colossians 1:29NIV).

 

In the words of Paul, I want to be ‘mature in Christ’. In the words of Dr Brené Brown, I want to be ‘wholehearted’ in how I live. They’re both describing the same thing in different ways when it comes to my own story.

 

And so … let’s rumble.

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *